The Beginning part 2

I was staring blankly at the paper. I felt blood rushed through my veins. All the memories, my "adventures", from the past are now filling my head. The counselor just said, "Take your time." And that's when my tears flowed out of my eyes. 

I felt disappointed of myself. I felt I betrayed myself. I've been reading a lot about HIV and participating in advocacy activities before. I should know how to protect myself. I should have been extra careful. I should have not engaged in risky sexual behaviors. I should have not been promiscuous. I should have not gotten this disease. 

What would others think of me? What will my family feel? Am I going to die already? Will my friends still be my friends? How's my work? Who infected me? Was I infected a long time ago or just recently? Have I infected someone too? Am I dying already? Those are just the questions that came up to me and I cannot answer at that moment.

After 5 minutes of not talking, I finally faced my counselor and asked, "What do I need to do?" He told me that my blood will be brought to the QC Social Hygiene Clinic for a syphilis test and to San Lazaro for another round of HIV tests (ELISA and Westernblot). He said that I should wait for another 10-15 days for the confirmatory result. I was not ecstatic to hear this because I know that it's just less than 0.1% chance that will be negative. So again, I am already prepared for the worst.

After talking to the counselor for about 15 minutes more, I stood up and went back to the reception to see my friend. I was still teary-eyed. I felt that people are looking at me. My friend asked, "How was it?" 

I just replied, "Let's go."

He stood up and walked with me out of the ASP office. While walking down the stairs, I asked him, "Kumusta sa 'yo (How was yours)?" 

"Negative, mam." he said. I happily replied, "That's good."

Then I knew what's next. He asked me, "Eh sa 'yo?" 

"Ok naman.", I answered back. 

We walked to my car and drove away from the building. I took out my phone and called another high school friend. "Ano balita (What's the news)?" he said when he answered the call. "Mamaya na. Asan ka (Later. Where are you)?" I asked. He then said that he was just at home. I said that we will go to his place. He knew that we were taking an HIV test.

I was not talking to my friend inside the car. I knew that he already knows that mine is not ok. When we arrived at my friend's place, I asked if we can go to UP and have isaw. They did not resist.

When we arrived in UP, we bought some isaw (barbequed chicken intestines) and other stuff. Rain started to fall. We ran into the car and sat there. Then my friend B, started to ask. "Ano nangyari (What happened?)" 

I looked at him, he got my look and said "OMG! Totoo (True)?" I just nodded.

My friend L, who went with me, said, "Sabi na eh. Naramdaman ko na nung palapit ka sa reception. (I knew it. I felt it when you were walking back to the reception.)" 

I just said "Oh well."

Then me and my friends hugged. There was no drama. I knew and felt that they will be there for me and will not judge me. I know them for over 15 years now and I know I can trust them.

After our conversation, I dropped B again back to his home and told L that we'll meet my other friends in Starbucks in Roxas Boulevard. 

My groups of friends are vast and they know each other. We have overlapping mutual friends from high school, college, etc. That's why my circles are linked.

We arrived at Starbucks around 6pm. We usually go there to play boardgames or just hang out. We started to play and it's like nothing happened to me earlier. I was feeling fine the whole night.

We finished about 10 or 11 pm. When we walked out I told 2 of them to stay. I cannot not yet tell another friend because he was with his boyfriend and I was feeling ashamed. When the 2 left, me, L, and 2 more (K and C) sat on the curb of the parking lot. 

I started my story from when I got the text message, decided to take the test, had the test and got the results. After telling them what happened, one friend said, "Aww. We'll be here for you." 

I just asked them to support me in my journey and they were willing to support. Again, not much drama happened. Maybe because I knew and felt that they are sincere and they will never abandon me as their friend.

I went home afterwards and went straight to my room. I thought of what happened that day. It wasn't sinking in. So many thoughts are entering my mind, my plans, family, friends, work, etc. until I fell asleep.