The Beginning part 1

I never thought I will have HIV. I thought I was well-informed and knowledgeable of the dreaded virus. But no, my life changed one Saturday afternoon.

Weeks before I decided to have my first HIV test, (Yes, I never had any HIV test before because I was afraid to find out the truth) I received a text message from someone I had sex months ago. The text message was a GM (group message) sent by one of the NGOs advocating HIV/AIDS awareness and was forwarded to me by the guy. It said in the message that there's a free VCT (Voluntary Counseling and Testing) for HIV and syphilis. I always receive this kind of text message from people who work on this advocacy and usually, I don't bother going to them since 1) I thought I was safe. 2) I was scared people might see me. 3) I am not ready for whatever result I might get. But this time, I felt a little shiver on my spine since I got the text from the guy whom I haven't contacted since the last time we've met. I thought of going to this screening but again, I decided not to.

Thursday before my HIV test, I received another free VCT invitation from someone who works for AIDS Society of the Philippines. This time I was fully decided that I will take the test. I forwarded the text to one of my closest friends from high school and asked if he would like to come with me, and he said yes. So we decided to go to the ASP office the coming Saturday since the testing that time was done every first Friday and third Saturday of the month.

Friday before my HIV test was a normal busy day at work. After work, I went to the Ortigas Home Depot to have dinner at the dampa with former co-workers. It was a fun catch-up with them. After the dinner, I went to the nearby karaoke venue for a co-workers birthday. She rented adjoining rooms to accommodate all her guests. I didn't stay too long since I have to meet a friend after. About midnight, I met my gay friend and decided to go to the nearby gay club, O Bar Ortigas. We really had a good time since it was his first time there. I had few bottles of my favorite liquor. We ended the night around 3 or 4 am and went home. During these moments, I completely have forgotten about my scheduled testing the following day. My high school friend just reminded me and I just enjoyed the night like it was my last.

The following day, Saturday, I picked up my friend around 10am then we went to the ASP office located at the Scout area. When we got there, there were some people sitting on the reception area. 

The guy who works for ASP saw me and said, "Uy XXXX! Ano ginagawa mo dito? (Uy XXXX! What are you doing here?)" 

"I'll have the test." I replied.

He escorted me and my friend in a room. He gave us some forms to fill-out. Then discussed what the process will be. He said that a pre-test and post-test counseling is required. He discussed the basics of HIV, the definition, HIV transmission and prevention, etc. He also said that the testing procedure, from blood extraction to having the results, will take about 20-30 minutes. While he was talking, I was starting to get really nervous. I somehow expected or psyched myself that I am positive. I felt that it will help me to accept the worst once I already got the actual results.

After the orientation, me and my friend went back to the reception area and an ASP counselor called me. He assisted me to his pod, chatted a little since I know him and started the pre-test counseling. He asked me some things from my past like countries I've traveled, if I engaged in any unprotected sex, my last sexual encounter, if I have taken any tests before, etc. He asked my why I haven't taken the test before, why I was hesitant. He also asked me if I was ready for whatever the result I might get and what I will do if the result wasn't good. At that moment, my mind was stuck. I only prepared myself for the worst result but I haven't thought of what will happen to me after. I also asked him if my alcohol intake the night before has any effect on the result and he said no. i was like trying to find some loopholes just in case my test wasn't in my favor. 

After the counseling, he asked me to go to another room and have my blood extracted. I seated on  a couch beside my friend. He went inside the room first then me. I am not afraid of needles. I think I have a high tolerance for pain, physically and emotionally. After the med tech extracted my blood, she asked me to wait in the reception area for my results.

I sat beside my friend. there were about 6-10 other people including 1 female in the reception area. And some are being called already for their results. I was looking and observing them if they were happy or sad. Apparently, all have poker faces. I really can't tell what they are feeling.

While waiting, me and my friend pulled out a newspaper. An article and pictures from the recently concluded Miss Universe was featured and we started talking about it until my friend was called out by his counselor. And I was left alone in the reception.

After a while, I was called by my counselor. I went to his pod and sat. He was holding a folded paper and said my name with a different tone, "XXXXX...." I was just staring at him and waited for the next words that he said. He gave me the paper and saw what was written... REACTIVE. I was just looking at the paper for about 5 seconds and then gave a big sigh.

To be continued...